GOP Candidates, Obama Call for Surveillance in Wake of Increased Fertility through Parasitic Worms

Here is my report for Dada News Daily

Dada News Daily

WASHINGTON — Republican candidate Donald Trump’s liberties experts announced today that the world will be safer now that he is able to control the growth of human populations by manipulating female fertility through the use of parasitic worms after one species of roundworms was shown to increase fertility. The experts further stated that all copies of the United States Constitution have been updated to reflect this innovation.

Researchers added that Trump is “thrilled to put his entrepreneurial gonads to work solving the greatest problem facing the planet today, while at the same time expanding the market for his roundworm and hookworm breeding farms.”

When asked about the health risks associated with infections of parasitic worms, such as attacks of fever, diarrhea, anemia and suicide bombings, researchers responded that Trump had balanced these risks against the substantial benefits and that he continues to exhort American immune systems to “pull up their bootstraps and get…

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